9/22/12
All of my life, I planned on going to BYU. When I went there to visit Cam, I had a
wonderful feeling that it was where I wanted to be. I didn’t apply anywhere else.
It was just as wonderful as I’d always imagined. Cam was there, with a ready-made group of
wonderful friends waiting for me. Jaime
went with me. I loved the environment,
the classes, the people—everything. I
had two of the happiest years of my life there.
But after two failed attempts to enter the music program, I had
a decision to make. After much prayer,
pondering, and conversation with friends and family, I chose to transfer. Within a couple of months Mom was dropping me
off in Cedar City. It was a bit of a
whirlwind. I arrived at an empty
apartment, having no idea who my roommates were or where they could be. I spent that first weekend alone. At some point I made the unsettling
realization that I didn’t know a soul in the area. In fact, no one within miles and miles knew
my name or would even notice if I disappeared.
I had never felt so lonely or completely overwhelmed in my life.
Sunday afternoon, after some unsuccessful attempts to find
some company in the ward, I went for a walk on campus. I sat down by the bell tower and watched the
sunset, praying and thinking about this terrifying new step in my life. I felt some comfort, like God was near
me. I felt prompted to open up to
Matthew 6. I don’t remember if I was
flipping through the scriptures and felt like I should stop there, or if I was
aware I was turning to the Sermon on the Mount.
From vs. 25 until the end of the chapter, I felt that God
was speaking to me.
“Behold the fowls of the air: for
they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly
Father feedeth them. Are ye not much
better than they?”
I realized that I was stressing too much about some of my
needs and desires. I believed that God,
my Father, would take care of me as He lovingly takes care of all of His
creations.
“your
Heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.”
God knew what I was going through. He knew how terrified I was. And He knew exactly what I needed—in that
instance, friends. I felt the Spirit
warmly assure me that this was true, that I was receiving direct personal
revelation. My Father was telling me
that He loved me and He would provide what I needed. I should be calm and trust Him.
Just a couple of weeks later I heard a choir rehearsing the
hymn, “Be Still My Soul”, and the message was driven home again:
“Be still, my
soul: the Lord is on thy side. Bear
patiently thy cross of grief or pain. Leave
to thy God to order and provide; in every change, He faithful will remain. Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly
Friend through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
Be still, my
soul: thy God doth undertake to guide the future, as He has the past. Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake; All
now mysterious shall be bright at last. Be
still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voice Who ruled them while
He dwelt below.”
Since that experience, my trust that the Lord will take care
of me has become a crucial part of who I am.
It is my favorite part of my testimony to know that no matter what, as
long as I am doing all I can to stay close to Him, He will be there for me. I know that God will guide my future as He
has the past—and I know that He loves me enough to remind me of that when I
seek Him.
